I had lunch today with my Korean sisters-in-law, both of whom are gonzo, like all parents in Korea, to get their kids out of those public Korean schools of which EdSec Duncan and President Obama are so enamored - and into American schools.

One of my sisters-in-law speaks English, as does my wife, but the other one doesn't, and I don't speak Korean, so there was much two-way interpretation work for my wife. It came in handy after she saw me laugh a private laugh while watching her and her sisters talk.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because watching everybody talking with their mouths full made me think of a Korean student of mine years ago, when I didn't know your culture. He always talked with his mouth full, and it always grossed me out. I'd order him not to do that around me. Now that I realize it's normal in your culture, I realize how many other ways I was unfair to my East Asian students."

That led to a long conversation, which I summarize below. I'm tempted to think everybody knows this already, but then I remember that not everybody has lived in Asia for almost a decade. So this might help some teachers and administrators out there to understand their Asian students better.

1. I once thought they were being disrespectful by not looking at me when I was talking to them. I was wrong. Eye contact to elders and authorities is considered rude in their culture.

2. I once thought the boys were all lacking confidence because of their limp handshakes. This may be true, in a sense; but in another sense, Asians don't value the confidence and assertiveness connoted by a firm grip. They value harmony and hierarchy instead. And Koreans don't even shake hands, as a rule. Instead, they bow - especially to anyone older, even if only by days, weeks, or months.

3. I once thought my Chinese and Korean students were disprespectful brats for greeting me, "Hey, Burell" - sans "Mister." This greeting is hard for them to get the hang of. In their culture, they simply call the teacher "Teacher." They're not being disrespectful.

4. I once thought Asian students were unable to think critically or originally about the ideas studied in class. This may be true to a degree as well, but it's largely because, again, in their culture, authority is to be respected and valued, not challenged. Asian students are considered successful for learning the ideas of the "masters," not for challenging them. Challenging them would usually be frowned upon in their native schools.

5. I once thought Asian students lacked curiosity and a desire to learn because they almost never asked questions or took a shot at answering them in class discussions. I didn't understand the Asian premium on knowing the right answers, on not being wrong, on not looking ignorant. We in the West have a radically different take on these things.

6. That talking with the mouth full thing: it's normal for them. Some of the things that are normal in the West - yawning, for example - are considered far more rude to them than they are to us.

I just share this stuff because I'm leaving Korea. Call them lessons learned. If they stop anybody else from forming bad opinions of these students - which in the worst cases can result in lower grades or negative labels for them - then it was worth the time it took to write them.

I can only imagine the types of cultural disconnect that go on in U.S. schools with dozens of different ethnicities. What a rabbit-hole.

And sorry, kids. I get it now.

[Update: I passed this by my wife and her sisters, and they suggest that yawning is only rude when the young do it around the older. A better example of Western customs seen as outrageous in the East is our comfort with wearing shoes inside our homes, a habit seen as unbelievably unhygienic here. My wife wants me to add that Koreans only talk with their mouths full among friends, so I stand corrected.]

USA, explained by Jim Carson